Dreaming of....

Hmmm seems like I only like posting in camp huh? Always only blog when I m in bunk haha, this time, is in my Ex Bunk.. de current 1 ah.. haiiz... com down, fan spoilt, drawer spoilt, 1 ddead bird outside my window.. wth.. this sux....

Anyways, got my wish, a commando buddy woo hoo!! Some1 to help w my field bag load!! =x Ooops~ In addition, as I mentioned earlier, I am having a new section instructor, and this new section instructor is also a good one!1 =D weee~~ Not the super strict, fierce one hahaha~~ Cooool~~ So ya, 2 'hopes' came true~

But oso got suay la.. kena pick as the seniors to initiate de new cadets.. haiyo... wtf la... staying back this weekend =( sobs sobs~~ Stupid.... suay sia..... Now currently waiting for my next lesson I mean activity... 11km run, for me is 10.. but anyways... I m feeeling SOoooooOOooooo sleepy but cannot slp cos work in progress in my bunk.. the fan thing... I wanna slp =(...

Till next time~

Indulgence in the Beauty of the Midnight Eclipse
-ShawnZ-

Somethings u jus cant 4get...

Hmmm its been 3 mths since I came into OCS, tonight will be my 24km followed by my senior bar presentation... saw a feel famillar faces from poly and sec sch... joing in as new cadets... haiz didnt realise time passes so fast, yet so slow both AT THE SAME TIME. Ironic huh??

Hmmm had my PC interview today, accidentally saw LTA Shaiful letter to be posted out of ocs to unit.. was damn sad... why sia... when finally there is sth worth staying in golf wing for.. he is liek de best instructor anyone could have... patient, understanding, defending of his own cadets, like de 'cool' guy who knows everything and like perfect... wait a minute, I m not inlove with him for your info... i mean he is like a 'Perfect Dad' anyone cld ask for.. but now he is leaving??? Dont know how i wld be able to survive... haiz... :( damn sad... damn sad..

Speaking of dads.. haiz problems problems... I really am confused abt my life... I really cant even think coherently....

ok it started w my dad having a china gf, ok fine i get over that stage... but it turn out that they got married behind my back, shocking? yes, but still i close one eye... den now my father wans to pay for her daughter's studuies using my sis money?? WTH?!?!?! if she is willing to study, fine I dont mine forking with lots of pains... but yea i dont mind.. but now is SHE herself dont wanna help herself, wan go good sch, dont wanna take de test to see if she is good ebnuff to enter, she's 18 and wan go sec sch??? Dont wan go ITE, reason for dont want take de test is becos wan go hols.. frick that piece of shyt she go brain in her head mans... wat she thinking? We her servants isit?? She princess isit? BITCH!

Den cos my sis say my uncle seems to liek dislike us staying there... and now maybe wans to move out and rent a place on our own.... BUT my sis and I will chipin for the rent AND, that 2 china bitches will be staying with us??? wth!! I hate her daughter alrdy and I've nvr even met her!! Fricking steal away my dad's attention from me!!! GRGHHHHHHHHHHHH *#$)*&@##)#*#)&#&^*

yea... I think OCS is bad for my health.. ever since upon entering... problems keep popping out... dont know if I can take it any longer... plus now my dog, has abit of rashes/red spots popping out... so scared need bring to vets, cos I know skin prob cant be treated in such a short time and its damn exp to treat... argh!! !WHY!! Someone up dere seriously hates me... I think... and yup thru msn my sis says my dog is vomitting? God WHY GOD!!!!!

I am really mentally damn stress... frens, barely get to see them, de damn close ones, havent been seeing them since coming in ocs.. yea u will be thinking wta kind of close frens are these... and I really dont know how to ans.. family, part of the problems come from them... I GOT NO ONE ELSE LEFT TO TURN TO BUT TO BOTTLE IT OUT!! If only this blog is alive.. maybe can give me advice on my life since I have been spilling so much things to it... How I wish I can be trapped away in virtual reality and escape all these probs but then again I prolly will have new probs inside dere goi ng by how things are proceeding..

Had my interview w my sect instr who told me I am jus an avg joe in the wing and sinc eI m a reg, I shld be abv avg... I M SICK OF THIS ALRDY OK!!! IF I HAD KNOWN IT WLD BE SO MUCH HASSLE I WLDNT HAD SIGNED THAT FRICKING PAPER!!

PLS STOP PRESSURISING ME, STOP MENTALLY TORMENTING ME WITH ALL THESE PROBLEMS!!! AND PPL ASK ME WHY MY NICKS ALWAYS SO EMO.. tell me.. whats there NOT to be emo abt... zzz haiz

The birds has it easy, all they have to do is Fly away,
-ShawnZ-

Its a Bad Scare >.<

Went to report sick for 2 things today. 1st is a stiff neck, ever since after OCCT on monday, next is bleeding gums ever since after exercise scorpion king.

The stiff neck turns out to not be an ordinary neck ache, but its actually my lymph nodes around that area enlarged, which cause the pain and stiffness. Given antibiotics and paracetemol for dat and becos I went to the MO 1st, he wants to be xtra safe that the bleeding is not cos by a bleeding disorder, and thus, 10 precious ml of blood was drawn from me. I hate needles -.- Thru -out the whole blood drawing process I was such a pussy, My whole body stiffen and froze up while the medics kept trying to calm me down all cept 1, de one drawing blood. He keep trying to make me nervous haha... in a funny way, for e,.g, keep syaing its his 1st time drawing blood and keep saying that the needle is gonna break... wth... and dat was very stimulating sia.. woots! -_-

That wasn't the killer... the killer was after dat I went to see de dental officer.. THAT is the real murder!! ANyways, it goes like this... I went in for bleeding gums and the dentist said is dued to unhealthy gums+dirty teeth. So he offered to do cleaning for me, and asked me to maintain, I was like phew, glad was nth much. Den he warned me said it wld be painful and asked me to bear with it. In my mind, I was like thinking, :" wtf? think this my 1st time come dentist meh? Aiya the bit of pain is nth 1 la!!" in de end I was super, SUPER SUPER SUPER wrong! The pain is EXCRUCIATING!! The injured gums area, he oso poked the dental scaling thing in to clean and almost every space between the teeth and gums he oso poke it in. I from 3 bleeding spots in my mouth to EVERYWHERE bleed... damn painful, I cannot imagine or describe the feeling then. I really teared, and my whole body went stiff,and wishes to kick off but can't.... lest I would be more injured... and the dentist kept trying to calm me down asking me to relax all this while.. haha...its like scraping off dirt on ur oepn wound kind of pain... with no anesthesia, I almost choked on my own saliva and water as the water filter tube like not working very well...

He even recommended a softer toothbrush, Systema... nvr heard of it be4... hmmm shall try guardian, watsons to see if they have it... this bookout that is...

Today is seriously a painful day for me sia, blood drawn, a super painful dental cleaning.... >.<

Indulgence in the Beauty of the Midnight Eclipse
-ShawnZ-

Disturbed-ia

Back in camp again after a damn short, and I do mean short weekend break. Bookout and reach home 11pm+++ on Sat nite and to book in by 2200hrs on Sun nite. Didnt get to do much, cept shopped in Bugis tentatively finding a shirt for Social Nite this thurs which I am SOOOOOO looking forward to =)

Every step i take in the mall, every level I go, I just cant help but think of the times I went there with my frens, my very 2 close jie jies... joking abt, browsing in all de stores, monkeying and laughing all about... now, dont say go shopping tgt, we havent even SEEN each otther ev er since I came in OCS, which has been about... 12 weeks? Yes thats how long it has been... why, what happened?? I seriously missed those times, and those where we always go cine together, watch movies, common topics to talk about *hem hem* =p, and as usual joking about... Now, its more barren than an infertile land. Like the song goes, "How could this happen to me? " Seriously, I really dont know what happen.

Cant get them over the phone, even if I do, after awhile needa hang up, or else is arrange to meet le, last min cancel out on me... haiz... WHY WHY WHY!!!! I just wanna relieve the past... =(

Wonders if this could be the contributing factor why I am not happy in OCS, not bonding with the platoon enough... and now things are worst, I do not have a buddy.. yes alone, =(

Social night Social night~ Though I very loser bring my sis along, but its better den date-less eh =D Looking foward to the food, the resting then, and of course the long bookout after that ^^ Hope everythings goes well till then... Oh yea, hopefully no guard duties, Cdo/CDS then or Xmas eve... Cos I wan go for a Xmas party seriously!! Anyone throwing Xmas parties where I can go to?? =D Hee...

Indulgence in the Beauty of the Midnight Eclipse
-ShawnZ-

Circus

Whew, finally its over. the most xiong activity for service term, Ex Scorpion king..... is over. Done with digging shellscrapes, trenches, fighting enemies and Z monsters. Its damn tough to the physical and mental, especially since my trench was super well dug and thnx to the 30 mins rain, not only I had to re dig but the inside of the trench is super muddy everywhere I step. lean, sit, support on, its soft and squishy and gluey and yes of course, GROSS!!

Then theres also de 'No sleeping' rulle where we must ALL be alert for 'enemy' atks. So glad that its all over. Now blogging back in wingline, bidding farewell to my buddy whom ooc-ed and now leaving de bunk.. haiz... buddy-less... hope pro term I get A Commando Buddy!! =D haha...

Currently staying back in wingline to do lots of sai gang for this batch of commisiioning officers.. carry stuffs... move stuffs... worst of all is mus wait till de end of the whole parade oso which might end arnd.. 9pm? ya.. can onyl bookout after that and book in for nxt day will be at arnd 10pm. Wth... haiz.. I got shopping to do !!! I need buy a new pair of shir tfor social night, some xmas pressies, and others!! Argh!!!and de only day left for shopping for social night is this week, which is tmr! grgh... Oh yea, have to bring back some muddy clothes home to wash too -.- aiyo aiyo!!

Currently love this song by Britney Spears, Circus. De quality I dled is lousy sia.. nvm go home dl again. And sian la, my songs all wiped out from my comp, my mp3, cos stupid ipod can only sync to one itunes, den when de itunes gone and need re-dl, in de end mus re sync so de songs all gone oso zzz -_- frick it!

So... any nice songs, pls send me ;p haha THNX!!

Indulgence in the beauty of the Midnight Eclipse
-ShawnZ-

*****

I know its damn wierd I posted 2 times in a day. Ya but, seriously mus let this out. I have enough. Jus return from my PC interview, seems like as expected, my plt doesn't like me.. haha... it seems I appear on way too many Btm fives. saying I m not a team player?? When I was from waterpolo TEAM??? Ah fak it. Wat makes me more pissed is ppl say I wayang in front of instructors and not doing things? All talk but no action. Frick it, I jus dont see de point in me doing things and banging pots and pans while doing it. Haiz, maybe its jus a series of wrong choices, maybe I shld had chose sispec? I dont know.

Its also super irritating to know that ppl who really are the ones who are slacking, but becos know how to fake things, can get pass this btm five thing, ok, this btm 5 is basically a peer appraisal fyi. Yea in other words, I FAILED my peer appraisal.

Really sick liao la, sick of such things,Ppl say i wayang, No PR, serious attitude problem, all talk but no action, selfish, dont help... aiya sian.. wat happened to me? I really dont know if its me dat has changed, or if ppl hasnt really see me in depth. Wat isit? Can some1 tell me? guide me? I'm really confused..... Its also not helping when instructors keep expecting more from me since I have signed on. Maybe I shldnt sign on after all.. Maybe even this post is a mistake. My life has been a mistake to begin with. Den again, maybe I m jus too overly sensitive? I doubt so.

Trapped in a Whirlpool of Mistakes and Confusions
-ShawnZ-

*Beep* We are currently experiencing technical difficulties.Beep*

Return from camp to learn that my comp crashed again -_- Wth... Gave up repairing le, ask my sis's fren to build up a new one, thankfully now can get cheaper due to... sytex? frick it, dont know how to spell. So yea, currently another weekend with no comp, currently blogging in camp la with so many exciting days past den can blog abt it. For e.g, Sat nite went Double O, O bar with my OCS frens, Roche, Gabriel, Matthew, Ashley, Marcus, Brandon, Joe, Nicholas and yea CUi peng, Sean Pea, Aaron and more I guess.. Sorry for those whom I did not mention, I was too seh to recognise anyone else more.. haha... Drank alot sia.. 1st while waiting I down a whole jug of Vodka Ribena and After I finished dat Roche de alcoholic wouldnt let anyone stop so he bought Vodka red bull and insist that we share it, so yea, more alcohol. After most of us came, we went up to double O and drink somemore. -_- We drank 1 Flaming Lambo, 2 tequila shots.... seh seh seh sia!! And den we party it away dancing!! Marcus was so into the girls Gabriel brought along haha... but the girls has the Hots for Matthew~

Went back off about 3++ in the morning, and yea, before we left Matthew left a memento for Double O, A puke. =p Shared cab home with Matthew and Brandon.

Spent my whole sunday at home and ya monday too, lazy to go out, and no money, spend my days at home watching my sis downloaded videos before her own comp crashed and lucky she burnt the shows alrdy.

We suffering mechanical disasters, my comp, my sis laptop, my vcd player all down =( Wth.......

Yea I suppose its time i need to change the header of my blog... still 2007 lolx... prolly need prepare for 2009 liao la.. ok ok, shall change it during the next bookout if I can on my comp... IF i have one... Hopefully these four days pass by quickly.. I am homesick alrdy =( "I'm just too far, from where U are, i wanna go Home~~" Yea this song is currently playing on my buddy's Nicholas's mp3 -_- wat a coincidence...

I'm feeling so damn emo now...like being thrown into a cold dried well with rain pouring in, de only light above is so far away and its getting blocked up by the dark clouds.. so cold and lonely, if only a warm hand can pull me out of this misery and to find myself embrace in the warmth of the hug.... Frick!!

Indulgence in the Midnight Eclipse
-ShawnZ-