the tough will last..

Some1 told me, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going... wat if... I am not tough, never was... and never will be.....
Yes, no one said it was easy, but no one ever mentioned to me it was this difficult!!

I dont wan to face each day as it passes by... Growing is such a pain, I dont wanna grow up... I looked back to the times where as kids we were jus carefree, careless and well, problems free other then de usual exam pressure. Sure, we were not in control of our own lives, but jus think, when we were much younger, everything was so easy and simple. Mistakes were minor, adults were at ur commands, so they complains abt u waking them in the middle of the night jus to serve u some milk. But, from wat I had learnt thru my almost 20 years of life, its NOT my problem.

Back were those days, when a simple "Daddy, Papa, Mummy, Mama" comes blurted out unclear from my mouth, will bring smiles, joys, praises from my parents. But now? They demand perfect scores, perfect everything, dont they know, I'm not and never will be perfect?

Back were those days when both my parents still together, I still have a Mummy and a Daddy, where if I was in any pain or sadness, i could jus cry out. Now, I dont have a Mummy, but prolly my younger "stepsister?" have her? Yes I m jealous.

I m jealous of everything, cos my favourite colour's green. I'm jealous of the baby, who get showered with attention anytime of the day, jealous of the people who always gets better things. Jealous of why I wasn't so blessed with looks, wealth, riches, blah blah blah. Jealous of people who gets secret lovey dovey smses/calls from their sweethearts, honey, darling, dear, wateva.

I sure look foward to the day I can put Your pic as my hp wallpaper/screensaver. If only it will come.. at all. Dont feel disgusted, dont everybody wish for something like dat?

Happiness is jus so vague now. A simple toy used to make one on cloud nine. Now nothing seems satisfactory. One jus demand more, jus like a married man wans another mistress and another after dat. A relationship is not as simple as it used to be. People wants riches, if not, looks or a hot body, either from self or from the other partner. Asking for more, for the same results. Just like an antibiotic fighting against infections, increasing dosages to achieve the same result.

This is a fricking long post, if u made it to here, congrats.If u hop away before u reached here, well Jus Frick Off. If u skipped bulks away and scroll down here, Dont be lazy, just read the entire post. U wasted years living ur life, wats another few minutes to jus stop to read and think abt it?

I m not being rude, Jus str8foward. Likewise, I m not emo or depressed, I am jus ... clearly not myself, or being my true self? Doesnt matter.

Cant believe time is passing by ever so fast... I miss my past... I am having seperation anxiety, from my past. I dont wanna grow up, I wanna be a kid, I dont wan to make decisions, I wan to be pampered, I wan to be spoilt, I wan to be easily happy, I wan to... I wan to....



Relinquish the past...

But it will never be the same again..

-shawnz-