Fell..

"I fell, and managed to stand. Now I fall again, but I am too afraid to stand up, lest I will fall again. Just lEave me lying..."

Went to eat botak jones with Joel and his Friend, Shawn, at bedok. The fish & chips is yum and the Cajun chicken.. yum.. the chicken breast meat is as soft and juicy as thigh meat.. but was super full after eating... shld had just ordered the reg instead of large haha.... *Burps*

Good food, Price ok.. and best of all.. the Menu has jokes!! Haha... Quite alot.. but I jus include some short ones here.. for example, " What do u call a smart Blonde? A: a Golden Retriever!" Haha!! another one : "What's the difference between a new spouse and a dog? A: After a year, a dog is still excited to see you!" LOLX... and many more inside..

I was so full from the meal that I still didnt eat anything since 4pm++ I finished that meal.. so full sia.. I think I am losing my stomach size... been eating lesser... hmm no.. irregular appetite.. somethimes wan eat alot.. sometimes totally no appetite.. Haiz pregnancy? =x kidding. Haha...

Losing so many things lately... losing my mind... losing my money... ok not losing.. I m spending too much haha... losing confidence.. losing my fitness in my polo game.. etc.. and soon I'll be losing my hair!! And also,"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend." That "Friend" knows wat I'm talking abt.. and some other frens do know wat I'm talking abt. We totally lost contact with each other, no more smses, no more meeting to go out together, not even msn-ing each other. Used to be so close and talked alot.. now its like a unable to conceive lady's uterus. Empty. Barren. Pumpkin with no seeds. A desert land.

Seriously, where did I go wrong? Argh!! Frick, frick, frick on a stick and a 2 ton brick. I so hate the feeling of lost, especially the feeling of losing a special some1... Its excruciating... I thought I got over it... but who am I kidding.. deep down inside the pain will always be there.. the scar might had fully recover, but the pain that once dere will always be dere. Like guilt, u can never get rid of it watever u do....

Ok enough of another lengthy post.. Here is a song, so damn sad.. actually if u do a search, all his song are almost as sad... anyways.. this song is currently in 987 fm charts.. great sentimental song... Though this version on my post is so great to hear.. but I downloaded a better quality one =) Msn me if u want it...



Single, Available, Desperate - S.A.D.

-ShawnZ-

the tough will last..

Some1 told me, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going... wat if... I am not tough, never was... and never will be.....
Yes, no one said it was easy, but no one ever mentioned to me it was this difficult!!

I dont wan to face each day as it passes by... Growing is such a pain, I dont wanna grow up... I looked back to the times where as kids we were jus carefree, careless and well, problems free other then de usual exam pressure. Sure, we were not in control of our own lives, but jus think, when we were much younger, everything was so easy and simple. Mistakes were minor, adults were at ur commands, so they complains abt u waking them in the middle of the night jus to serve u some milk. But, from wat I had learnt thru my almost 20 years of life, its NOT my problem.

Back were those days, when a simple "Daddy, Papa, Mummy, Mama" comes blurted out unclear from my mouth, will bring smiles, joys, praises from my parents. But now? They demand perfect scores, perfect everything, dont they know, I'm not and never will be perfect?

Back were those days when both my parents still together, I still have a Mummy and a Daddy, where if I was in any pain or sadness, i could jus cry out. Now, I dont have a Mummy, but prolly my younger "stepsister?" have her? Yes I m jealous.

I m jealous of everything, cos my favourite colour's green. I'm jealous of the baby, who get showered with attention anytime of the day, jealous of the people who always gets better things. Jealous of why I wasn't so blessed with looks, wealth, riches, blah blah blah. Jealous of people who gets secret lovey dovey smses/calls from their sweethearts, honey, darling, dear, wateva.

I sure look foward to the day I can put Your pic as my hp wallpaper/screensaver. If only it will come.. at all. Dont feel disgusted, dont everybody wish for something like dat?

Happiness is jus so vague now. A simple toy used to make one on cloud nine. Now nothing seems satisfactory. One jus demand more, jus like a married man wans another mistress and another after dat. A relationship is not as simple as it used to be. People wants riches, if not, looks or a hot body, either from self or from the other partner. Asking for more, for the same results. Just like an antibiotic fighting against infections, increasing dosages to achieve the same result.

This is a fricking long post, if u made it to here, congrats.If u hop away before u reached here, well Jus Frick Off. If u skipped bulks away and scroll down here, Dont be lazy, just read the entire post. U wasted years living ur life, wats another few minutes to jus stop to read and think abt it?

I m not being rude, Jus str8foward. Likewise, I m not emo or depressed, I am jus ... clearly not myself, or being my true self? Doesnt matter.

Cant believe time is passing by ever so fast... I miss my past... I am having seperation anxiety, from my past. I dont wanna grow up, I wanna be a kid, I dont wan to make decisions, I wan to be pampered, I wan to be spoilt, I wan to be easily happy, I wan to... I wan to....



Relinquish the past...

But it will never be the same again..

-shawnz-

Staying in Touch, literally.

Sorry for being MIA for so long. Nothing worthwhile posting unless I talk abt my work experience. Irritating clients, Dead pets, Sobbing Owners, Pets got better and discharged... and so on...

Anyways, I am back with a video, Parody of Mariah Carey's Touch my Body. Love that song, and that parody is so wrong... but its funny =) Enjoy!


-ShawnZ-