Have U ever got stuck between to choose one thing or another? I bet everyone does. For me, had them many times. It is great if things turns out well, but den, when things goes bad, u jus cant do anything and blame ur sheer dumb bad luck.
Along my life journey, I really, really hate making decisions. I hate myself for constantly making the wrong choices... Most recent example... I chose to report sick becos I really felt very sick and den.. got status. Well Becos of this choice, I am gonna miss CSB, which I had tried consoloing myself ytd. But den today i realised, by reporting sick, I did nto turn up ytd for my unit attachment and den, they took a picture of the "interns" and yup I wasn't inside. and this picture, was used to give us as token od appreciation and one copy was blown up and given to the wing as a token of appreciation. Its alrdy bad enuff I couldnt get my CSB now I am not in the grp photo.. its not that I m DYING to be in a photo, but its not A photo, its THE photo. Aiya I know I m not making any sense now. Haiz... and in addition, they were given a 2lt rank epaulet ytd, I didnt receive cos I didnt go, but I learnt that one guy oso didnt go, but he got it becos some1 kept 1 for him. That jus threw me to think, y didnt I get one too? Isit, I m so invisible dat ppl dont rem my presence?
All this while I have been making wrong choices, prolly even coming ocs was wrong. Going to TP sci was wrong. Joining WP was wrong. and a few other choices which isnt convenient to mention here. I really, really afraid of making any more choices lest they be wrong,but then again, whats a right choice or a wrong choice? U cant really tell cant u, even if that thing is over. But somehow, in our herats deep down we know if its wrong or right. Yea, I m speaking incoherently now, I myself dont even understand what I am posting, what I am trying to ramble, babble, pour out.
I really hate myself, everything I do, try to do, everything I am.
If I could be a murderer, I would murder - Myself
-ShawnZ-
Friday, March 13, 2009
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