I'm scared...

So dere it is, the end of Block Leave and will be the start of a new training. Not sure if I'm ready for all those physicals, mentals, all the early revellies, all the new turn outs and lets not forget all the water parades all over again. Tho it has only been a short 1 week plus break, but it sure soften my physicals and of course mentals. I m really so... hmm nua now.... I sure hope I can raise back my morale and fighting spirit be4 I land myself in trouble...

Looking back, on what I've done these past few days, no physicals, late lights out, late revellie and many more... I prolly suffer if I book in to camp with these. Thinking of 3 wks confinement and 3 mths hell, am I rdy? Its like a whole new extended BMTC all over again, the diff - I dont think they will ever go easy on us at ANY time. The feeling of fear starts to envelope me as I struggle to think for the better each time. I dont wanna give up, I wanna commision, I wanna do my family proud, I wan them to come to the parade, was what I thought everytime, but wld it keep me going on, or will there be 1 time I will "Shag, cannot think" ? I m seriously so worried..

With this struggle, to ensure that I will not reach the stage where dat thinking will not be able to keep me going on, I plan to bring my photos of my family in, but guess wat?? I dont have any recent photos of my family together, is dis the mark of the start of a family slowly tearing apart?

Come to thiink of it, the last time we ever sat down tgt to eat and talk as a family.. was prolly the 2 am supper which I strongly requested one time a few weeks ago? which of course they did complain on the time, but do they see de meaning of me wanting to do it? Heaven knows.

Now I jus wanna print out some older photos, and the damn faking printer have to run out of ink now, wtf? Is dis on purpose or is dis an omen. Grgh I need to get rid of all this superstitions be4 booking in..... -_-

This blog shall cease new posting for the next 3 wks. SOrry for the inconvenience caused.

-ShawnZ-