I am so Emo now... Am I the black sheep of the family? Why isit everything I do cun be compared to my sister? Why is my father treating her so differently from how he treat me? Am I really his son?
1st incident:
It was 1 of the days of my grandfather's wake, the 3 of us quarrelled abt sth and it was very heated. Tho it was my sis fault, I was being targetted, and became my father and I quarrelling. Then my sister jus break down hysterically, its obvious she is jus faking it and den my father said : " Look wad U done, U made ur siter cry. U better do sth abt it, or I will do sth to ur dog." After hearing this I am so damn pissed, Y isit ALWAYS my fault? SO I asked him if it was me hu had broke down hysterically, would he blamed my sis or even himself or would he jus asked me to shut up. He was speechless.
2nd incident:
Jus ytd, my sis left her folded clothes on my bed. I asked her nciely to keep it be4 I go to slp and she demanded me to keep it for her. I was like WTF?? So I told her calmly, if by the time I go to bed and its still dere, I will sweep it to the floor. Den she threatened me to watch out nxt time and she oso wun help me do anything anymore. How unreasonable can 1 get? So I asked her wad's wrong with asking her to keep HER OWN things, and she say sth off topic dat its thnx to her I am able to keep de dog. Of course I got angry and like ask her again wads wrong w asking her to keep her own things? And guess hu interrupted de arguement? My ftaher of cos, he turned to ME and say," U better Shut up, no more noise from u" How bias can 1 get?
3rd incident:
Jus this morning when waking us up for breakfast, my father bend down to my sis bed level, and asked nicely wan to have breakfast or not? Den when come to me, he jus push my head," Oi, wan to go have breakfast?"
I dunno, and this is jus de recent 1, dere are alot more previously when my sister and I do quarrel, he always seems to side her no matter how absurb she is. And he never blamed or scold her for de mess she made to the house.
I would have tot wad happened to my grandfather would make all of us, more aware of each other's presence and not take things for granted, but I was wrong. I merely jus took over my grandfather's place in de house, forgotten and unheard. De only one hu listens to me and gif me attention now is Vodka.Mus I resort to wad my grandfather did be4 I can get some attention? Mus 1 dies be4 they can be noticed, heard and remembered? DO others only feel remorseful or regrets only after some1 die? Wad is the use of these regrets and remorse when the person is no longer around? I'm alrdy trying to change ever since my grandfather's incident, but wad abt the others? Maybe 1 is not enuff, Maybe need 2 to be sufficient....
I am in need of love... I love attention too, but does anybody notice dat? Ha, I doubt.
Signing off,
-Shawn-
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