I wan Water Dessert too.. T_T

Ok, nothing much to say.. gonna go on courses soon... and well lucky I wont be needing to go for my ops during my bdae =D

SOmehow I just dont understand, y of all the other officers and PCs available my DyS1, the one who plans DO duties, keep pestering me to take one up although I am seriously not able to, and with valid reasons like ops or else is I've got compulsory activities. And worst, he initially wanted me to take up duty on my Bdae itself? and when I told him I cant cos its ym bdae, he says, his own mother bdae he oso do DO duties. Now his mother angry~ wan disown him~ yada yada.... Wth? Well, unless his mother was supposed to be 21 den, I guess I got nth to say huh? But I guess not, cld it? Anyways, I dont care, I wont do it on my Bdae and dats it. Altho I know I prolly wont have anything planned for dat day, since its a sunday, and my frens and I prolly needs to book in on the nite itself.. soo.... unless some1 asks me out in the afternoon... and sux, I always wanted to have a extravagant 21st bdae, but I guess, NS really dont allow such things =( Not only am I hvaing a hard time alrdy making time for myself, due to Ns, my frens some are oso not free..haiz.... And den dere is dis guy, who told me I shld jus asked him to FO, actually quite alot did ask me to do so. And he added, i am so soft, sure kena makan 1. Eh.. am I being makan now? I guess sometimes one wld jusbitch abt, grumble, but always lacks the courage to really do sth abt it. Yup I m one. I only bitch, grumble, but nvr seem to be able to muster up the courage to really go face it. De same as risks. I guess, when u've failed too many times, risks is jus sth U wont dare to take unless u r certain of it. I did try, to u know, be a little more risky, dare to face up to challenges, dare to gamble (not mj-ing kind, or gambling kind of gamble), but somehow deres dis thing inside of me keep holding me back no matter how much I try to beat it. I guess, I am always my own obstruction and barrier.

Anyways, dats not the purpose of this post. the reason for this post is, I'M IN LOVE~!! Ya rite. -_- Ok no more nonsense... the reason for this post is, I browsed thru youtube, my old old hobby, found a couple of funny vids, a few of which is a korean guy trying to sing english songs, rem de last time the bollywood Thriller? well this is sth like it. So Enjoy!! Starting with, my all time Fav song, TOUCH MY BODY!!

So.. No one's gonna Shave Him eh? =p


ok the others not as funny.. so dats abt it. ENJOY!! Guess he is a BIG fan of mariah carey, almost all his videos he is singing songs of Mariah Carey.

-ShawnZ-

Just another Post

Ok, this post probably will be just another of my random rambling. Lets see, wat should I talk abt hmmm...

Well, lets start at my new unit, new coy, yea, currently in Maju SD coy, havent got my platoon yet, currently jus stand in PC for some1's plt. The guys, well they're quite fun to be with. Alll ORD-ing soon haha. Ok before I go on sprouting wat I shldnt sprout, probably i Should stop here on my army stuffs.

Anyways, speaking of Sprouts, ytd I went to watch Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, well, its cool, however abit disappointing if U had read the book. Nevertheless, its still good. Maybe I said that cos I love Harry Potter Series. Kinda sad, de book ended tho =/ But den, a Neverending story isn't nice to read anyways. Wat Talking me??

Before the movie we went to eat at Changing Appetite which is at Marina Square, that place seems so famillar but I onyl realise that was the place, I had my 1st date with a certain some1 whom I used to, and still adore. It was great to reminisce that feeling again, but kind of sad, as it jus a part of the sad memory I had, just like listening to the song "With you' which was the song that was playing when we both were dere. Anyways, dats all de past, so lets jus skip it away.
I really need to buy a new camera for myself sia...I am missing so many great photo times jus becos I have neither a cam phone nor a cam w me. After dat we went to sneak a peek of the fireworks from the NDP preview and it was magnificent and beautiful.

Dont cha hate the feeling of pining for someone, something to happen? Well currently cant stop thinking abt something, someone. Jus the thought, made me smile, Just like the song Smile - Uncle Kracker. Great Song, meaningful lyrics. Well, I went to search and got 2 more other songs by him, Follow me and Drift away, both are great too!! My kinda of songs!

Spekaing of songs, each time I listen to Wonder girls Nobody, kinda remind me of my poly clique of frens, 'Slave' Cornie, "Super White aka Chiobu*pukes*' Jacinth, 'Da Tou' Hanqun, and Jinshun. Yea wierd eh, Jinshun got no nickname!! I just realised we didnt give him one!! Nvm nxt time meet up we shall discuss this issue =x Anyways, i was saying, not that we had met up and that song was like 'our song', but its just dat, that song has a set of dance moves, which if it was in poly days, hanqun and I wld prolly go learn it and then play with it when we get together. Yea its stupid things like dis which made my poly days fun, other den my waterpolo =) Speaking of which, havent been going for a long time. wonders if I had gone rusty.. =/

I really missed those times going crazy and going out w frens and yea a little waterpolo on the way too =) Haiz..

This is a freaking boring Sunday!! Maybe I shall go out later to buy the Portable DVD player which I set out to buy be4 my book in. And sux, I got DO duties this tues and coming sun.. -_- Booooo.....


-ShawnZ-

A disappointing ending and beginning.

Hmm my commissioning turned out to be a disappointing 1... dont get me wrong.. de parade went smoothly, de weather was kind enuff to rain only after the parade ended, everybody did their respective drills perfectly... everything was good for the majority.. for me.. i was disappointed.

It seems that my 9 mths of perseverance, once in a lifetime event, seems to be just 1 small thing to others. Yeah, cos its not THEIR commissioning I guess. My own sis can even find it so unimportant compare to her student's tuition. WOW!! Dats for family.

But oh well at least she told me she will not come, way beforehand so I gave my tickets to my friends. ANd wow.. of all my friends I have, I chose my, I thought, waterpolo Buddies? I dont know. Well, yes I wld be sad if u said u cld not make it, but now I m upset cos they told me they cldnt make it, well the day before and had to leave early on the day itself.. and most power, cannot turn up for the dining at the VIP right before de dinner itself?? Wow... I dont know.. I guess my events are so minute and unimportant huh? Like I said if u told me way beforehand when I asked u, I cld still find replacement. But no! Everything last min.

Had an empty seat with untouched food served on my table. My Section instructor asked me, y is dere an empty seat. Isnt my mother coming? And yea, for 6 mths, he didnt know I was from a divorced parents family. Some section intructor/officer eh? I promise, I will NEVER be such an officer. NEVER.

During the parade, I cried, nope, not becos I m touched dat I finally commissioned. Cos initially I cldnt find my father or frens. Like a lost dog, in the parade sq I visually scanned for them, but to no avail. I thought they chose not to come. I thought they missed it. Hmm but then I caught a glimpse of my father right before the affixing of the rank, and yea, I was delighted. At least there's someone. and the china lady wasnt dere =D And den I found out the reason I cld not find my fren was becos they were at the wrong seat, they cldnt find me. Becos he didnt know behind he invitation card was where i wrote all the details. And he didnt know abt all these even tho, I explained every single thing abt it when i pass the tix to him. Go figure.

ANyways, right before the parade, my 'wheel of fortune gang' smsed me to congratulate me on my commission, was happy yea, but felt bad I didnt invite them.. well at least i think the turn out wld be better? SHame on me to think dat... yea nto as if my wp buddies AWOL. they did have their reasons.. which I dont know what. But anyways, yea, jus upset, disappointed and yea I m petty, like a girl, tight chested, small gas, wateva k? I m sick of it. Y cant I jus bitch or grumble on sth I dont like. Y cant I be angry abt sth that pissed me off? Y others can and not me? Y U can and I cant??? Wtf is dis!!

Well its not all that bad... I guess... its jus a commissioning aint it? Nobody cares unless u're on the parade itself. Or De one commissioning. It doesn't matter to anybody, nobody nobody but U.

Yea still feeling sore, disappointed wateva, as I bitch abt this, tears welled up in my eyes again. shivers went

down my spine, goosebumps popping. WTH, I m an officer now, this type of small matters shldnt get into my head. Can it?

May tmr be a better day, may de nxt chapter be a better beginning.
-ShawnZ-

The Night is never as dark as U think it is..

Jus a random post again. Trying to change the way I perceive things, changing view, changing attitude, hopefully changing life and destiny. Or is dis part of destiny? hmmm...

Its like a caterpillar changing to a cocoon. Hopefully it wld be abutterfly next, beautiful, and free to fly... If my life before was a Rainy Day, I hope de future wld be like the rainbow after dat. Yes super super random words I know haha... Unable to think coherently now,jus gotthat Urge to Blog somehow. How I wish I have a camera now, can cam whoring and take pics of my dog... And yea, I DO NOT HAVE A CAMERA FOR MY COMMS PARADE!! >_<>Changes; Transformation.
-ShawnZ-

Must be positive, must be positive..?

Kinda having lots of negative thoughts lately, even tho I shld be happier since now I am even closer to my commissioning parade. No more chiong sua for de nxt 3 weeks but marching, marching,drills, rehearsals.. But somehow deep inside I dont feel happy..

Sometimes the past is better than the present or maybe even the future.

I seriously missed my poly life,where everythign is so simple and life is easy, revolving only around study,waterpolo, fun, friends, imitating Miss Swan, laughing at one another's cold jokes, teasing one another in a fun and NOT offensive ways, always have time for one another. Where my internet connection, is still usable unlike now... load so freaking slow,connectin quality damn lousy, keep disconnecting, stupid lousy M1 broadband zzz -.-

Friends are so busy that when they're free, I'm busy. I'm free, they're busy. This suck. When will we ever have time for one another. Even the closest of friends also gets distant. Dont say friends,families oso does.

Speakign of which, my own sis,choose to teach tuition over going for my Comms Parade. Apparently her student's PSLE is more impt than my once in a lifetime Comms Parade. TO make things worst, dat extra ticket,my father planned to use it to bring his China Bitch. WTH, I DONT WANT!! I DONT WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But its repressed in my heart, I dont know how to speak up. Ithink I need courage. I m like the Lion in Wizard of Oz. IO lack of courage.. I need some courage. Its not only for this, alot of things I lack courage. Prolly thats y I m still single now, yea?

But sometimes, my courage always comes for stupid things making me bold, causing undesirable consequences, consequences I never did wanted it to happen.

Boldness and Courage is such a thin fine line man, I jus can't get it.

I realised I am becoming alcoholic, I jus wanna drink, drink and get high. But too bad, like I said, I couldnt find time with my friends. So I m jus sitting at home, thinking abt getting high and drunk. Yea. I sound emo and foolish. Who cares! Not even my own family does anyways. Come on Get higher, just like in Matt Nathanson's song. I wanna get higher!

Then again some of u might feel, if I dont try, nothing can be done. But I HAVE been trying, I keep telling ppl, I CONSTANTLY TRIED to make things work out. But it takes 2 hands to clap. I am doing the clapping but there's no "other hand" to make it work. And I m sick of it, sick of ppl doubting that I m trying, thinking that I str8away gave up.

Yeah, this is for those, out dere, whom I had been wanting to tell u, but lack the courage to say this: " Dont Fricking Judge me when U dont even know me, or watever's going on!"

Well thats finally off my chest, but not verbally or pointed to the ppl I want to say to tho. Those ppl prolly dont even know the existence of this blog. Which is good.

As I type, I keep seeing my internet connection going on and off, this is freaking irritating. I m so fustrated, all the feelings bottled up.. how I wish i can throw the bottle away.. I wanna scream it all out~

Nobody knows, Nobody Cares.

Hmm somehow Imeem dont allow me to put the full evrsion of this song, u have to go to the website and listen if u wanna hear the full song.. but oh well, the chorus is the impt part.

All By Myself - Celine Dion
All by myself, dont wanna be, all by myself, anymore...
-ShawnZ-

I huff and puff and I break my own house down.

I lost my mother when I was young, now I half lost my father and soon I gonna lose my sister. Nope, not to terminal illness. But to minor stupid things. We quarrelled, she slapped me on the arms and I slapped back on the calf. Apparently the doctor said she was PUNCHED. Wow I didnt know I had so much power in my palm! And den now I am trying to set things properly before going to Brunei. Guess wat, my own sister, the one who shared the same blood, genes as me, held up a feather duster, pointing at me, saying she's afraid of me? WTH? As if I m a lunatic?! Like I go around beating ppl up?!?!?! Wth...

Ok fine maybe I am not exactly totally up to the idea of apologising, cos somewhere deep down in my heart I still feel I am not totally in the wrong. She touched my stuffs w/o asking me 1st, when I ask abt it, she dont give a shit, she is not apologetic at all, and she feels that she is the only one who is tired in the whole wide world. Yea, I really felt this way, and guess wat, yes I resent the fact that i am eating humble pie to set things str8 and she not only dont accept my apology, she still thinks she is in the right. Ok yea I hate this attitude of hers, thinking she is always right, well, it runs in the genes.

Its super irritating that here, i am trying to set things proper be4 I leave for Brunei, and dere she jus mus make things difficult. Den worst, everyone, thinks i am in the wrong. Everyone. Its as if ever since I gone into the army, I've become an outsider all of a sudden. Its liek I no longer "family".

Being a Guy sux, u have to take all the shit and the blame, all a Girl need to do is acty helpless and she gets all the attention and sympathy. I swear, in my nxt life, I mus be a Girl. Guy= ALways in the Wrong, Girl = Helpless; always in the right.

Maybe I shld had signed on navy, sail away, home all over the place. What is home? a material thing, or where tyhe heart belongs?

-ShawnZ-

Commission Loh!!

Sadly, not my Commissioning haha.. at least it meant I m getting closer to mine!! Cos this batch is the last batch right before mine. When I saw them marching, singing loudly, parents help to put on epaulets, and of course the highlight - Throwing of Caps!! When I saw all these, my heart really... sank, I cried, thinking when would it be my turn. Partly I cried becos I m too emotional. Hahaha.. I wanna commision too.. =(

Earned abit of Angbao money today, cos there is dis saying that As a newly commision officer, u must give whoever who salutes u first a angbao to ensure u have a smooth time aahead. So yeah, I was the usher and thus able to be the 1st guy to salute. Yea... i wan the angbaos money.. but thsoe with 2LT epaulets or little motivational notes inside are the best. Those with names signed are even better!! went to facebook to search some of them, hoping to find them and thank them for the angbaos. However managed to find 1 only =( haiz... really hope to be able to see them again and thank them... for the encouragement, and of course the money =) haha...

Anyways, time left before my lights out is short, gtg end this post soon, plus this stupid CPS of mine keep picking on me to do sai gang... )#(@&_*_)()

SO yea, Good nite, and CONGRATSULATIONS 72/08 BATCH SENIORS (B & E wing) !! Hope U have a smooth journey as a 2LT ahead!! and THNX FOR UR ANGBAOS AND NOTES AND EPAULETS~!!! =D

-ShawnZ-