I huff and puff and I break my own house down.

I lost my mother when I was young, now I half lost my father and soon I gonna lose my sister. Nope, not to terminal illness. But to minor stupid things. We quarrelled, she slapped me on the arms and I slapped back on the calf. Apparently the doctor said she was PUNCHED. Wow I didnt know I had so much power in my palm! And den now I am trying to set things properly before going to Brunei. Guess wat, my own sister, the one who shared the same blood, genes as me, held up a feather duster, pointing at me, saying she's afraid of me? WTH? As if I m a lunatic?! Like I go around beating ppl up?!?!?! Wth...

Ok fine maybe I am not exactly totally up to the idea of apologising, cos somewhere deep down in my heart I still feel I am not totally in the wrong. She touched my stuffs w/o asking me 1st, when I ask abt it, she dont give a shit, she is not apologetic at all, and she feels that she is the only one who is tired in the whole wide world. Yea, I really felt this way, and guess wat, yes I resent the fact that i am eating humble pie to set things str8 and she not only dont accept my apology, she still thinks she is in the right. Ok yea I hate this attitude of hers, thinking she is always right, well, it runs in the genes.

Its super irritating that here, i am trying to set things proper be4 I leave for Brunei, and dere she jus mus make things difficult. Den worst, everyone, thinks i am in the wrong. Everyone. Its as if ever since I gone into the army, I've become an outsider all of a sudden. Its liek I no longer "family".

Being a Guy sux, u have to take all the shit and the blame, all a Girl need to do is acty helpless and she gets all the attention and sympathy. I swear, in my nxt life, I mus be a Girl. Guy= ALways in the Wrong, Girl = Helpless; always in the right.

Maybe I shld had signed on navy, sail away, home all over the place. What is home? a material thing, or where tyhe heart belongs?

-ShawnZ-

Commission Loh!!

Sadly, not my Commissioning haha.. at least it meant I m getting closer to mine!! Cos this batch is the last batch right before mine. When I saw them marching, singing loudly, parents help to put on epaulets, and of course the highlight - Throwing of Caps!! When I saw all these, my heart really... sank, I cried, thinking when would it be my turn. Partly I cried becos I m too emotional. Hahaha.. I wanna commision too.. =(

Earned abit of Angbao money today, cos there is dis saying that As a newly commision officer, u must give whoever who salutes u first a angbao to ensure u have a smooth time aahead. So yeah, I was the usher and thus able to be the 1st guy to salute. Yea... i wan the angbaos money.. but thsoe with 2LT epaulets or little motivational notes inside are the best. Those with names signed are even better!! went to facebook to search some of them, hoping to find them and thank them for the angbaos. However managed to find 1 only =( haiz... really hope to be able to see them again and thank them... for the encouragement, and of course the money =) haha...

Anyways, time left before my lights out is short, gtg end this post soon, plus this stupid CPS of mine keep picking on me to do sai gang... )#(@&_*_)()

SO yea, Good nite, and CONGRATSULATIONS 72/08 BATCH SENIORS (B & E wing) !! Hope U have a smooth journey as a 2LT ahead!! and THNX FOR UR ANGBAOS AND NOTES AND EPAULETS~!!! =D

-ShawnZ-

A series of Unfortunate choices.

Have U ever got stuck between to choose one thing or another? I bet everyone does. For me, had them many times. It is great if things turns out well, but den, when things goes bad, u jus cant do anything and blame ur sheer dumb bad luck.

Along my life journey, I really, really hate making decisions. I hate myself for constantly making the wrong choices... Most recent example... I chose to report sick becos I really felt very sick and den.. got status. Well Becos of this choice, I am gonna miss CSB, which I had tried consoloing myself ytd. But den today i realised, by reporting sick, I did nto turn up ytd for my unit attachment and den, they took a picture of the "interns" and yup I wasn't inside. and this picture, was used to give us as token od appreciation and one copy was blown up and given to the wing as a token of appreciation. Its alrdy bad enuff I couldnt get my CSB now I am not in the grp photo.. its not that I m DYING to be in a photo, but its not A photo, its THE photo. Aiya I know I m not making any sense now. Haiz... and in addition, they were given a 2lt rank epaulet ytd, I didnt receive cos I didnt go, but I learnt that one guy oso didnt go, but he got it becos some1 kept 1 for him. That jus threw me to think, y didnt I get one too? Isit, I m so invisible dat ppl dont rem my presence?

All this while I have been making wrong choices, prolly even coming ocs was wrong. Going to TP sci was wrong. Joining WP was wrong. and a few other choices which isnt convenient to mention here. I really, really afraid of making any more choices lest they be wrong,but then again, whats a right choice or a wrong choice? U cant really tell cant u, even if that thing is over. But somehow, in our herats deep down we know if its wrong or right. Yea, I m speaking incoherently now, I myself dont even understand what I am posting, what I am trying to ramble, babble, pour out.

I really hate myself, everything I do, try to do, everything I am.

If I could be a murderer, I would murder - Myself
-ShawnZ-

Shawny got Low Low Low low...

Haiz... Feeling down under the weather... started with jus a flu now.. its like flu+cough+phlegm+many more and worst... CSB is coming up.. shyt!!

Yea and becos of this CSB.. not booking out till on sun... HAIZ LOW MORALE AH!!! Sian.... haiz.... Jus got my pay.. but no chance to spend... when got chance to spend.. no time.. this sux man... haiyo...

I wanna buy a PSP, now stuck between buying a new one or a 2nd hand 1... new one cost abt $100 more ... but I dont think I can afford the $100 more unless I get extra money somehow somewhere haha...but den a 2nd hand one like not reliable leh... haiyo...

Actually I got lots of things to babble abt with them not organised, a lot of things cant be said... alot of things I cant do but wanna do... haiz this sux to the core sia... It jus sux being sick on a time u dont wanna be... SUX SUX SUX!!!!

Watched Marley and Me last sat, disappointed by the movie.. doing injustice to the book and to the actual Marley... somehow... Go read the book, its much better den de movie for those who felt the movie was superb. Lotta shows either coming up or alrdy up which I wanna watch... shows like, Streeet FIghter, watchmen, hotel for dogs, night in museum 2... etc.. ARGH I WANNA WATCH!!! but going brunei soon... haiz haiz haiz!! LOW AH!!!

Caught the show "I'm just not that into U" ahile back, great show, love the story. Its just so good when theres a happy ending isn't it? I'm Jealous. Frick. A sentence from the show really touch me, my heart, my brain, my.. whatever - "If a Man really wans to See U, he will do everything/anything to See U." Awww.. so true... yet foolish ppl like me... always wished it wasn't this way. Always think abt for excuse for the other party. Deep down u know its impossible, but u jus die die hope that the 0.000000000000001% chance will happen.

Haiz... I need some boosters.. morale.. immunity... health...courage.. intelligence... whatever..

Fools will be Fools, always.
-ShawnZ-

Random Brawling..

Just finished reading Marley & Me, Can't get through the last few chapters w/o even once stop shedding any tears... its just so super sad... Especially the last part when ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ shall not spoil for readers who havent finished reading or planned to start reading or havent read it yet. I believe this part wont be reflected in the movie as how much can a 2 hrs movie show compared to the whole book of 13 yrs of Marley's life and the Author and his family's life? Little Patrick, Conor and Colleen, how the couple struggled through rough times... and so on...

When the Author wrote about lots of stuff, cant help but think back abt Vodka.. and somehow parts of my memories working in The Animal Clinic comes in, abt ow some owners desperately tried to save thier pets no matter the costs, how they resist choosing PTS or how they finally chose PTS... But of course there were incident where owners jus chose to put down their dogs for a miserly little problem like skin problem. Yes its exp, but u chose the dog!! For Goodness sake! How can u bear to PTS him/her just because of it??? And worst, the dog is fit as a fiddle, young, lively, healthy except for the long term skin problem which only requires a little bit more effort in taking care if u dont wish to spend the money.. Ah shucks, humans are so hard to comprehend compared to animals -_-

A little off topic here,

As mentioned, jus returned from Taiwan after 3 weeks, however it felt like been out of touch w SG for 3 yrs... so many changes... 1stly is the new MRT stops.. Joo Kun and I think is Pioneer? Anyways.. it all seems so sudden... 2nd is the 'newly' constructed slope for trolleys, wheeled vehicle.. beside a step near my house, My sis says it has always been dere even be4 I left for taiwan, but I insist I onyl noticed it when I came back. Another change is the move of furniture in my house. Every thing seems to have changed...
One more change is.. my Dog.. his eating habit changed... he no longer leave the food dere for a long time before finishing it up, as what my sis mentioned, he now finished it upon filling of his bowl. But I'm so glad one thing hasn't changed, his loyalty and my position in the house to him =)

He still sticks to me alot around the house, and I will nvr forget when I came back, he runs out of the house for the 1st time w/o his leash to welcome me, and also this happened ytd nite when I wanted to leave for camp. He ran out w/o his leash which usually the leash meant permission to leave the house.

As for the position in the house, I was holdign a hard boiled egg in my hand in front of his face, all he did was smelled the egg, licked his lips and sat obediently giving a slight whimper and watching the egg closely and trying to shake hands in hoping to use this little trick to get the egg. However when my sister hold the very same egg, he make a lunge for it wanting to eat it and when I hold the egg again, he went back to his sitting obediently again. =D

Shall blog again when I have more things to say, Till nxt time..

-ShawnZ-

Chong Taipei dao Beijing~

Yo!! Currently blogging in taiwan... waiting for my 3 days r and r, which is like tmr... going kaohsiung then taipei last day, SHOPPING SPREE!!!

Wish to try the hot spring but nobody else wans to go sobs...... wish to buy some shoes, and prolly if possible the guidebook for one of the game i hvae been dying to get...my fav game... tth2 =p haha.. den i shall replay once i get back to SG...

Seen alot of doggies runnign abt which made me miss my own dog at home even even EVEN more.. >.< him ="p">

Ok shall not talk much, my time for internet usage is running out, blog again when i come back from taiwan, hopefully w lots of photos and gifts xD

Ta da

Indulgence in the Beauty of the Eclipse in Taiwan
-ShawnZ-

='(

Went for my first ever Mambo experience at ZOuk ytd, it was AWESOME!! Woots!! My fav songs, Summer rain and Together Forever haha..

Didnt drink alot ytd, jus 1 glass of my fav vodka ribena (which isnt really that good, vodka taste too little), 2 jegabombs and 1 awesome long island tea! I shld had gotten the long island tea instead of the vodka ribena -_- Wasnt high ytd... but then the atmosphere is enough to start the adrenaline pumping!! woots!! It isnt jus a Sausage fest!! Thankfully there is a grp of girls, I think Gab's frens and we were dancing with them. Jiajun is such an ass, he go tell the girls I m gay, Idiot sia.. >=( and the girls came and asked me if I really was. WTF LA JIAJUN!!

As usual, Shahrez was super super high... and we left abt 4am++ right after the last song, Mambo No.5~

Saw some1 there ytd.. some1 whom is able to relive the good and bad memories.. Oh well, it had always been a stupid wishful thinking of my part in the 1st place... and wonder if its this thats brings me to my 2nd part of the post..

For no apparent reason, all of a sudden today, suddenly feeling super super emo, could it be that I m leaving for taiwan? Not that its not possible, or could it be just whom I saw ytd? haiz..
Tried calling my fren to talk, de one whom I had broke contact with ever since I come ocs, a very good friend I thought.. but to no avail... still couldnt get hold of her to een talk for 10 secs... wat else is new.. Super super super emo...

Call me a sucker if u must, who doesnt want to be wished a smooth journey, or even jus a 'take care' wld suffice. But no, for the whole day I got only 2. And even as I m blogging now, I m alone at home, sis dont knwo go where, father go out. Does anybody ever care, Do anybody even care?
Its hurting inside, the pain is undescribable.. ya I m an attention seeker, So what? Haiz..... it mus be nice to always be under the Spotlight, showered by Attention.. blah blah blah (irrevelant ramblings again)

I want a, need a super good friend, a BFF, one who always be there when I need him/her, 1 whom I can share alot of thigns with, one whom i can really feel good to share all the secrets with, one whom I can always go clubbing with, one whom will nvr crosses the line of R/S and always jus be and stay as the bestest of best friends, a "Bitch Friend" some may call, yes, I need one. Haiz.... Nobody wants to be Lonely

Still Searching... where is he/she located~ Actually much prefer a 'she' then a 'he' tho haha.. a 'she' is more open, and for events that requires a partner... 'she' can coem to my aid haha =p or even better.. its a grp of 'hes' , 'shes' and 'hes/shes' . The more BFFs the merrier!!

But.. where r they, where can they be found?? =( haiz..

See, I told u I was super Emo today... ='(

Just Leave me to Die, under the Beautiful Eclipse, Bury me under the darkness where only the Moonlight basked, where Silence is the only thing that can be heard.
-ShawnZ-