MMS..

Argh.... dont u jus hate it when theres a time where u put so much consideration deciding before doing sth.. spent hella lot of time going thru if U shld do sth or not, and when u chose to do it. U regretted ur actions. De feeling spinning inside, its really uneasy. GRGH. De self torment where u go abt asking urself "Y de hell did I chose to do it when I know I shldnt had and will regret it in de 1st place."

Frick dat thought manz. Must be feelign all shitty becos stuck in camp unable to book out till tmr nite. Wth,

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Made a stupid resolution, finding it so hard, SOOOOOOOOOOOO hard.... to fulfil. I resolve to stop using vulgar, not even the word "Fuck". Tough eh? See, alrdy in de 2nd paragraph I couldn't help but use it.

I really hate every moment of this shitty feeling sia, I guess this is wat it means by MMS, Man Moody Sometimes. Or in simpler terms, Emo, Mo Mo Moooooooo... Yea I m getting crazy.

Just re-did one test which I failed. Others failed becos they couldnt complete de paper. I completed everything yet I still failed. Stupid, now I dont even know if I can pass or not....... Zzzzz

I need a time out, a break out, a let out wateva its called I jus wanna Standing on the rooftop letting U scream ur heart out! Standing on the rooftop.... haiz....

Argh I m having a headache rite now, not the painful kind but the irritated kind #$)*&#*(#$()@*$@#)&@#$&@#()$*@#)4893285^

$*)#&^@^$%@#&^#@*^#@$&()@#$&*)#@)*(*$#_28)$&*@#($&@#()$*@#(*#)@8423098

-ShawnZ-

Spiralling... Spiralling...

Been such a hectic week these few days... actually last week too... So many tests so many RUNS omg.... my leg is becoming Jelly... Thankfully I got a GOLD for the recent IPPT, no need do any RT during weekends.. phew.... I wanna rest sia... so tired... tml got another 8km run omg...
mentally physically tired sia...

Anyways... Though not having much income left after spending on foodstuffs, my MP3 charger and adapter which costs me like $45... -_- and de charger $20 and also this speaker... $40... chap pa lang brand but still... not bad... quite good and loud... anyways I was saying.. tho no much money left... I still wanna go out and spend Spend SPEND!!!! I WANNA GO OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Watched House Bunny de other bookout, damn funny and wth a typical 'Blonde' movie. If u had watched legally blonde u're understand. To them the world is full of flowers, butterflies and everything nice and sweet, oh yea, pink too. Hate to say it, I like this type of movies =p haha Shit sound like a GIRL!!!

I also wanted to watch disaster movie... alrdy expired in theatres... =( VCD not out yet ARGH!!!! I WANNA WATCH THIS TYPE OF LAME STUPID COMEDIES!! =x I am a big fan and a sucker for comedies, jio me out for one anytime!!!

Gotta go check on my Laundry in the dryer, too doos~
P.S. Yea I m still in OCS, and yes they have washign machine and dryers here.

-ShawnZ-

To Follow or Not to Follow...

Stuck in the crossroad of decision... have to decide which step to take..

After ytd incident happen in camp, I realise my platoon's thinking and mine is very apart... Unlike in Cougar platoon 1 where everybody has almost de same mindset... how did Sgt Hari did it sia... he united our minds and sychronised our thinking...

U see, my current platoon, dont believe in standards, they jus wan fun... really very low discipline... when they get punish, they really unhappy.. and it seems that only i feel we deserve punishment... thru this incident, I have 2 choices, stand firm to my integrity and lose frenss make enemies... or.... if u cant beat them, join them, compromise my standard and integrity and join them.... frick.... how to decide... If only theres a way to make everybody really agreee to my thinking.. somehow..

Tmr is book out day... dont know what to do... I need a Life... I wana go shopping... =/ my hair's growing so slow >.<>

-ShawnZ-

Next Plane Home?

Yeah, this is a new song by Daniel Powter, not exactly new, but still its nice... Still in OCS... Somehow I feel much further from Singapore than in Tekong... somehow its harder to communicate w frens in here den in Tekong.. Cant contact them at all, either call no ans, sms no reply, and watever fucked shit. Somehow I feel a distance being formed, increasingly.. I hate this feeling, it sucks.

Today is the Family Visit day, ya my father will be coming, my sis (I think), and den invited some frens, some cancelled out, 1 said yes, but den I havent even mention anything else like, place/time to meet etc etc.. and I cant contact her @ all.. irritating la... and TODAY is the day Zzzzz -__- ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH fuck it, everything sux.

Anyways, yea still copign in OCS, got IPPT gold for the Categorisation test, everyday is so tiring, but I'll survive. Had my navigation course ytd and yup seen the Famous Peng Kang Hill, lucky jus went dere see, not go dere run up and down haha....

Cant wait for nxt book out, tho dont know what I'll be doing, who to go out with, argh so many movies I wanna watch!! "House bunny", "disaster movie", dont know still have or not, and almost all the comedies now showing!!! but so little time...

And finally, I miss my Dog, Vodka.. =(
-ShawnZ-

I'm scared...

So dere it is, the end of Block Leave and will be the start of a new training. Not sure if I'm ready for all those physicals, mentals, all the early revellies, all the new turn outs and lets not forget all the water parades all over again. Tho it has only been a short 1 week plus break, but it sure soften my physicals and of course mentals. I m really so... hmm nua now.... I sure hope I can raise back my morale and fighting spirit be4 I land myself in trouble...

Looking back, on what I've done these past few days, no physicals, late lights out, late revellie and many more... I prolly suffer if I book in to camp with these. Thinking of 3 wks confinement and 3 mths hell, am I rdy? Its like a whole new extended BMTC all over again, the diff - I dont think they will ever go easy on us at ANY time. The feeling of fear starts to envelope me as I struggle to think for the better each time. I dont wanna give up, I wanna commision, I wanna do my family proud, I wan them to come to the parade, was what I thought everytime, but wld it keep me going on, or will there be 1 time I will "Shag, cannot think" ? I m seriously so worried..

With this struggle, to ensure that I will not reach the stage where dat thinking will not be able to keep me going on, I plan to bring my photos of my family in, but guess wat?? I dont have any recent photos of my family together, is dis the mark of the start of a family slowly tearing apart?

Come to thiink of it, the last time we ever sat down tgt to eat and talk as a family.. was prolly the 2 am supper which I strongly requested one time a few weeks ago? which of course they did complain on the time, but do they see de meaning of me wanting to do it? Heaven knows.

Now I jus wanna print out some older photos, and the damn faking printer have to run out of ink now, wtf? Is dis on purpose or is dis an omen. Grgh I need to get rid of all this superstitions be4 booking in..... -_-

This blog shall cease new posting for the next 3 wks. SOrry for the inconvenience caused.

-ShawnZ-

POP pics

As I promised,Getting ready for the BMTC war cryCougar Platoon 1!!The Private...The Private and his DadThe two guys who is always Smiling :) Matthew and Me!!

Melayu Gang!! From Left: Abdillah, Firdaus and HafizHenry, Joel and MeMy Platoon Sergeant/Section commander 2SG Hari and MeBrian the Platoon 2nd Best!My Buddy, GabrwynCocksters!!My platoon commander 2LT AnshulCOugar Plt 1 Sect 1!!Dont U jus realise, our 2SG Hari always show the same serious face in all pics? Haha..Clockwise: Joe, Matthew, MeBenjamin Siao On and Me!!Ok 2 cockster face, Joseph and Me haha, Man Of Valour!! =x

Ok thats all for pics,

-ShawnZ-

Merry POPpins~

POP lo~ Finally Passed out from BMTC, Proud to pass out as a Cougar warr!! Best of all Platoon 1!! Yea!! Tho not the platoon best, but a 3rd in platoon is better den nth =D Ok abit show off here.. =x

A mixed feeling before the parade, can feel the joy, excitement, fear of making the contigent look bad, the anxiety and of course there is a tinge of sadness... I am gonna miss the my platoon mates =( and nevertheless, the SGTS and Officers!! Of course I'll miss the platoon 1 commanders, however surprisingly I will miss SGT Eric of Platoon 2 too, tho we hardly ever sat down as much as our sect comm to chat, and everytime he talks to me, he wld pull my ears at least once, or get some1 to pull it for him... haha...

I still rem when we 1st enter BMTC, so vividly, all the blur cocks navigating around like country bumpkins, and also the "kind " commanders. However as time passes, the mask starts to peel off and we see the Faces of the commanders. I still rem at one period of time we were suffering under SGT Hari's training and we told our PC abt it as a whole. ANd his reply was, " U can complain abt SGT Hari now, but when POP u will realise how much he is helping u. IN fact previous batches always votes for him as the Best Commander." Right after was our strong objections and protests. And then ironically, unknowingly, 2 days ago when we were suppose to write down who we felt was the best commander, and obviously, SGT Hari won with a landslide.

Its so strange how a mere 9 weeks can change one's thinking so much, one's fitness and many more. Thinking abt all the things that happen, the tough ttraining, the happy moments, the shag moments, and while marching I saw my father at the grand stand, I almost couldn't hold back my tears of pride and joy. I could feel the tears about to force its way out of my eye sockets when the RO was rambling abt her speech. Then when our parents came down to put on the jockey caps for us, I feel a sudden burst of Pride, so much that, I am looking so foward to the BMTC War CRy and was shouting it with the top of my lungs, thats how proud I was!!

Soon after was picture time!! (Pictures will be uploaded shortly)
and then was departure. Gonna go out drinking with the platoon (well almost, some will not be joining) and hopefully the SGTs. Talk Cock Session!! Updates soon!!

-ShawnZ-