Jus a random post again. Trying to change the way I perceive things, changing view, changing attitude, hopefully changing life and destiny. Or is dis part of destiny? hmmm...
Its like a caterpillar changing to a cocoon. Hopefully it wld be abutterfly next, beautiful, and free to fly... If my life before was a Rainy Day, I hope de future wld be like the rainbow after dat. Yes super super random words I know haha... Unable to think coherently now,jus gotthat Urge to Blog somehow. How I wish I have a camera now, can cam whoring and take pics of my dog... And yea, I DO NOT HAVE A CAMERA FOR MY COMMS PARADE!! >_<>Changes; Transformation.
-ShawnZ-
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
Must be positive, must be positive..?
Kinda having lots of negative thoughts lately, even tho I shld be happier since now I am even closer to my commissioning parade. No more chiong sua for de nxt 3 weeks but marching, marching,drills, rehearsals.. But somehow deep inside I dont feel happy..
Sometimes the past is better than the present or maybe even the future.
I seriously missed my poly life,where everythign is so simple and life is easy, revolving only around study,waterpolo, fun, friends, imitating Miss Swan, laughing at one another's cold jokes, teasing one another in a fun and NOT offensive ways, always have time for one another. Where my internet connection, is still usable unlike now... load so freaking slow,connectin quality damn lousy, keep disconnecting, stupid lousy M1 broadband zzz -.-
Friends are so busy that when they're free, I'm busy. I'm free, they're busy. This suck. When will we ever have time for one another. Even the closest of friends also gets distant. Dont say friends,families oso does.
Speakign of which, my own sis,choose to teach tuition over going for my Comms Parade. Apparently her student's PSLE is more impt than my once in a lifetime Comms Parade. TO make things worst, dat extra ticket,my father planned to use it to bring his China Bitch. WTH, I DONT WANT!! I DONT WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But its repressed in my heart, I dont know how to speak up. Ithink I need courage. I m like the Lion in Wizard of Oz. IO lack of courage.. I need some courage. Its not only for this, alot of things I lack courage. Prolly thats y I m still single now, yea?
But sometimes, my courage always comes for stupid things making me bold, causing undesirable consequences, consequences I never did wanted it to happen.
Boldness and Courage is such a thin fine line man, I jus can't get it.
I realised I am becoming alcoholic, I jus wanna drink, drink and get high. But too bad, like I said, I couldnt find time with my friends. So I m jus sitting at home, thinking abt getting high and drunk. Yea. I sound emo and foolish. Who cares! Not even my own family does anyways. Come on Get higher, just like in Matt Nathanson's song. I wanna get higher!
Then again some of u might feel, if I dont try, nothing can be done. But I HAVE been trying, I keep telling ppl, I CONSTANTLY TRIED to make things work out. But it takes 2 hands to clap. I am doing the clapping but there's no "other hand" to make it work. And I m sick of it, sick of ppl doubting that I m trying, thinking that I str8away gave up.
Yeah, this is for those, out dere, whom I had been wanting to tell u, but lack the courage to say this: " Dont Fricking Judge me when U dont even know me, or watever's going on!"
Well thats finally off my chest, but not verbally or pointed to the ppl I want to say to tho. Those ppl prolly dont even know the existence of this blog. Which is good.
As I type, I keep seeing my internet connection going on and off, this is freaking irritating. I m so fustrated, all the feelings bottled up.. how I wish i can throw the bottle away.. I wanna scream it all out~
Nobody knows, Nobody Cares.
Hmm somehow Imeem dont allow me to put the full evrsion of this song, u have to go to the website and listen if u wanna hear the full song.. but oh well, the chorus is the impt part.
All By Myself - Celine Dion
All by myself, dont wanna be, all by myself, anymore...
-ShawnZ-
Sometimes the past is better than the present or maybe even the future.
I seriously missed my poly life,where everythign is so simple and life is easy, revolving only around study,waterpolo, fun, friends, imitating Miss Swan, laughing at one another's cold jokes, teasing one another in a fun and NOT offensive ways, always have time for one another. Where my internet connection, is still usable unlike now... load so freaking slow,connectin quality damn lousy, keep disconnecting, stupid lousy M1 broadband zzz -.-
Friends are so busy that when they're free, I'm busy. I'm free, they're busy. This suck. When will we ever have time for one another. Even the closest of friends also gets distant. Dont say friends,families oso does.
Speakign of which, my own sis,choose to teach tuition over going for my Comms Parade. Apparently her student's PSLE is more impt than my once in a lifetime Comms Parade. TO make things worst, dat extra ticket,my father planned to use it to bring his China Bitch. WTH, I DONT WANT!! I DONT WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But its repressed in my heart, I dont know how to speak up. Ithink I need courage. I m like the Lion in Wizard of Oz. IO lack of courage.. I need some courage. Its not only for this, alot of things I lack courage. Prolly thats y I m still single now, yea?
But sometimes, my courage always comes for stupid things making me bold, causing undesirable consequences, consequences I never did wanted it to happen.
Boldness and Courage is such a thin fine line man, I jus can't get it.
I realised I am becoming alcoholic, I jus wanna drink, drink and get high. But too bad, like I said, I couldnt find time with my friends. So I m jus sitting at home, thinking abt getting high and drunk. Yea. I sound emo and foolish. Who cares! Not even my own family does anyways. Come on Get higher, just like in Matt Nathanson's song. I wanna get higher!
Then again some of u might feel, if I dont try, nothing can be done. But I HAVE been trying, I keep telling ppl, I CONSTANTLY TRIED to make things work out. But it takes 2 hands to clap. I am doing the clapping but there's no "other hand" to make it work. And I m sick of it, sick of ppl doubting that I m trying, thinking that I str8away gave up.
Yeah, this is for those, out dere, whom I had been wanting to tell u, but lack the courage to say this: " Dont Fricking Judge me when U dont even know me, or watever's going on!"
Well thats finally off my chest, but not verbally or pointed to the ppl I want to say to tho. Those ppl prolly dont even know the existence of this blog. Which is good.
As I type, I keep seeing my internet connection going on and off, this is freaking irritating. I m so fustrated, all the feelings bottled up.. how I wish i can throw the bottle away.. I wanna scream it all out~
Nobody knows, Nobody Cares.
Hmm somehow Imeem dont allow me to put the full evrsion of this song, u have to go to the website and listen if u wanna hear the full song.. but oh well, the chorus is the impt part.
All By Myself - Celine Dion
All by myself, dont wanna be, all by myself, anymore...
-ShawnZ-
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
